LESBIANS LOVE ME

LESBIANS LOVE ME.

Now I know how this statement must sound. Conceited right? Well it doesn't come from a place of feeling really into myself, which let us be honest....we all have those days. This comes from a place of shock at how often I have experiences with lesbians just full on hitting on me, or asking me out. You know if I think back this phenomenon has been happening for quite some time. 

I remember my days as a young hipster in Seattle where I had to take the round about way to the local QFC on Capitol Hill because I wanted to avoid the screams and whistles from the Lesbian club around the corner from my house. It really frightened me. In their defense at this time in my life I was rocking a very short haircut which could have given them the wrong idea. But If you know me, like actually know me, there is nothing that would suggest I am a lesbian. In fact I love men. 

I remember the first time it happened. I went to this club to see Gunther and The Sunshine Girls. I was having so much fun and I went with this guy I really liked at the time. Even though his views on relationships in general were extremely strange. We were dancing and having so much fun, then all of a sudden this girl comes up to me and asks me if I want to scissor. I had no idea what that meant until my friend told her i didn't swing that way. I was in shock. Was it the way I danced, walked, talked? What could possibly make this chick think I would want to go to bed with her? Little did I know this was the beginning of a long two years in Seattle. 

It began happening every where I went. I remember I had so much fun at this salon party I went to a few weeks later and this girl who I had a blast with asked her friend if I was into woman because she liked me. I was completely taken a back. In a way I became a little scared that every time I thought i was making a new friend, I was actually making a GIRLFRIEND. 

from then on it would happen almost every time I went out. It would happen at the grocery store, at the gym, at a friends party, on my exercise, and at work. I couldn't run from it. Was the universe trying to tell me something? I even would get special designs in my coffee. WHATTT??? 

Now when I moved away from Seattle to Walla Walla. It all stopped as if some magic spell had been broken. and I hadn't experienced it till last week when I was in Venice. I was sitting on a bench minding my own business, waiting to have a meeting with one of my mothers old friends, when out of no where a girl comes up to my bench and starts stretching her legs and just staring at me. I felt so weird. She was getting super close. Then she asks me if she can "borrow" my water to clean off her shoes that she had just spilled coffee on. I let her take my water in a little bit of disgust as she keeps trying to ask me about myself. Then after all is said and done she gives me the water back. I am just thinking WTF am I supposed to do with this now? But then again she did "borrow" it. Instead of leaving after that she sticks around getting closer and closer trying to start conversation. It was the most uncomfortable situation I have been in, in the last 4 years. 

This shit ever happen to you? If so tell me your stories. I would love to hear them. 

MUCH LOVE -----Jenny 

JAMES BROWN

WELCOME –

My Name is Jenny. I live on the edge of the metropolitan ghetto of San Bernardino. My husband attends medical school while I learn the travesties of being a 1950’s housewife—minus the Miltown. I invite you to follow me on my journey. I have had many requests to start a blog. Since I have nothing else of comparable value to do with my time currently, I feel it to be a good idea. As Eric would say when I refuse to go get eggs from Costco because it would be a drive from the store I am currently at (Stater Brothers) “Jenny your time isn’t yet worth the extra 3 dollars we are going to save”. In truth he is correct, sadly. Whether your just popping in for a quick read or you’re a follower, I hope I give you the gift of laughter (the only thing that gets me through my days).  

Yesterday we went to see James Brown at the Hollywood Bowl. Now let me correct myself there, because it wasn’t actually James Brown. It was a James Brown tribute concert. But hey it might as well of been James brown since the actor from his new life story feature film showed up to sing and dance for us.

Now Eric always wants us to save the extra penny. Yes folks, even if it is a cent, we will be saving it.  So in lea of Eric’s trusty tradition we drove to the LA Zoo and took the bus to the Hollywood Bowl to save seven dollars.  He told me this would only be a 20-minute drive. This was definitely a 40-minute drive I can assure you. Something you should know about Eric right off the bat is that his sense of time is always minimized or exaggerated. Just a side note. 

When we got to the bowl it was of course filled with people of all races, not. We might have been 2 of the 15 white people at the Bowl last night. We walked to our seats, which are more than half way up the bowl. I assume this would be in the Nose Bleed Section. We pleasantly find that we are the only ones sitting on our bench. Now this is no small bench. So when two ladies show up and insist we need to scoot ourselves two spaces down Eric goes into a little bit of a shock. As I see him just blankly staring at the lady who is being no less than rude, I start to chime in. I tell her that she has at least 20 feet on the other side of her and she should be just fine. She insists this is not. So I of course tell her she is crazy. DO NOT EVER TELL A CRAZY PERSON SHE IS CRAZY, I REPEAT.  Her hands started flying every which way hands can fly, and words I have not heard before started flowing from her drunken ass. As usual, Eric had to hold me back from attacking the drunk Hyena. (Thank God I married this man. He has saved me numerous times from being thrown out of bars, restaurants, amusement parks, and airplane ticket counters).

As the night progressed many ladies around us apologized in advance for their future rocking out. This crowd was nothing compared to some other shows I have been to at the Bowl, but they definitely knew how to shake what their mama gave them. I was grabbed at least three times by the lady next to me telling me it was time to shake my ass with her. She was so drunk I think she forgot I was white. The smell of weed was permeating my section, which truly worried me, as I will have to take a pee test for a job soon. I hope I didn’t accidently inhale. Can that even happen?  I don’t know.

The announcer was a very old man whose sanity might have been in question. He kept announcing people to come on stage who never showed up, and then calling out woman who actually were men when they walked on stage. He stood up there dancing the whole night like some ghost of James Browns past. All the jackets sparkled and the GOGO dancers rocked out like it was 1963. More bands need to sparkle. It definitely adds an edge that most are falling quite short of. As the night was coming to an end the actor from the new film actually came on stage and graced us with some dance moves and singing. That man is so talented. The whole stadium when wild when he started shaking his feet faster than a naked man on hot stones.

And the night wouldn’t have been complete without someone spilling his or her drink on me. This time it was from above. Which is a unique addition to my already long line of things being spilled on me. At least it was not human pee (more on that later).

Hope you all have a wonderful week.  Ill be posting whenever I feel the need. Tune in next time for Adventures With Jenny.